Father's Day

Today is father's day. i've been up since 730am hanging out in the living room next to my pops hospital bed. My mom and sister Helen left to go to the mortuary to make arrangements. I lied and told him they went to breakfast, he soon forgot they left in the first place. Vegas Vacation plays in the background, we always enjoyed chevy chase movies as a family, we can relate to them in many ways. I had a cup a coffee, made myself some gluten free toast with manucka honey and watched my dad as he fights for his last couple days of life. I stare to make sure he is breathing, sometimes he stops. his mouth is cracked open, his eyebrows frowned, he has fear. Its like someone is literally trying to take his breath away. He jolts up many times saying things that don't make sense.

everyone came by today, my brother and sisters and all the grand kids. It was tough because today has been one of the hardest days we've had so far and having the celebration over stimulated him. A couple hours in, we kind of lost him. He began to talk about people he saw in the room that clearly weren't there or talking gibberish. many times he said he wants to go, lets go, come on we are going to be late. my flight is going to take off, he says with his eyes wide open. He tried to pull out his catheter, he was obviously very anxious. my favorite part of all that was when my dad looks over at me, notices everyone in the room, then asks me, "who are all these ass holes?" he went in and out all day. we had moments when he snapped out of it and was himself again. those moments were nice, i feel that i have shared everything i've wanted to with him.

it is now 11pm, we got a visit from his nurse Toni today after the family left. Toni is a badass. she is about my dads age, is missing a lung, still smokes, curses like a sailor and calls us 'doll babes.' she gave us the real deal and didn't cut any corners. the worse is about to set in. his lungs are beginning to fill up with fluid which is normal when the body starts shutting down, its called terminal pneumonia. he cannot swallow anymore, he cannot fully communicate with us anymore, shortness of breath, and a lot more crazyness has just begun. she gave me some strict instructions since i am the main care taker other than my mom. we are taking shifts on keeping an eye on him. i'm sleeping on one couch, mom's on the other and our cat Rocco is on one too. the count down starts now....