thats right! mom and i are now "uncertified" nurses. my dads last 3 weeks of life is in our hands. i never thought i'd be doing this. keeping him as comfotable as possible and loved. When shit hits the fan, like if he has a seizure, or starts losing his mind, guess what??? thats on us! that decision made my stomach turn. not because i thought i couldn't do it, that was never a doubt in my mind, i was worried for my mom and tina. taking my dad home to die, watching his body deteriorate in front of our eyes, when he screams in pain, its us that needs to fix it. i get to go back home to Portland after this nightmare is over, but for my mom and tina, they will have to wake up everyday after he passes and be reminded of that hospital bed that once lived in the living room.
We met our hospice care nurse Toni and i instantly loved her. she is such a badass, she's not a B.Ser, curses like nobodies business with a raspy smokers voice and best of all she makes my dad smile. my brother mike liked her right away too, we felt safe with her. she told us to call her if we needed anything, otherwise she would see us twice a week. she pulled me aside and told me that i'm in for a hell of a ride. she warned me on what to expect when things go south and educated me on his meds and how to properly take care of him. she had a chat with my mom too (she sensed my mom's fear) and told her to keep her shit together!!
the first week was rough, our family isn't used to this, i mean, what family is?? there were times that the stress got the best of us, we would break down, but never gave up. wipe the tears, suck it up and keep trucking because the man we love needs us. good thing we have plenty of back up =)
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