like a child...

mom & dad giving the hang loose sign

i'm sitting next to my dad right now, like i always do even if he is asleep. checking emails and such, i know it makes him feel safe that i am here. we got some bad news today by the hospice nurse. she says the fact that he has stopped eating, drinking and peeing, is not good. those are all signs that his body is shutting down and the cancer is taking over. His feet are also beginning early stages of gang green, its been almost 2 weeks since his unsuccessful foot surgeries. we knew this was coming, but we didn't expect it to be so soon. he has been such a fighter! this nurse happened to be an on call nurse, not our regular nurse and her story was so coincidental it made me think that we were meant to meet her. after we got my dad all fixed up, i followed her into the bathroom to ask her some questions. she told me that she just lost her father to the same cancer a month ago and he too worked for the airlines like my dad. he was also the same age and there bdays were a few days apart..AND she showed me a pic and they look so much alike! her family also got the news too late and before they knew it, he was gone in 2 weeks. she gave me some advice, told me the truth about what to expect the next couple days and said good bye to my father.

the last couple of weeks i feel like i've been taking care of a child, its really cute. my dad will make faces mostly to communicate, i like when he frowns his eye brows or when he won't let go of his water cup. he'll say the same thing over and over, like, "where is my leg stace?" i answer and point. he says ok, then 2 minutes later, "stace, you sure my leg is right there?" i find it funny...then there's the whole eating puddings, jellos and juices, not to mention diaper changing and making sure they don't feel abandoned. there is something so rewarding about giving back to someone that has given you so much. tomorrow happens to be fathers day, all the kids are coming over to be with dad/papou. we are having a pot luck, making some art together, and making sure he knows we love the shit out of him!